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Uh... hi? XDDD
should be writing
caitlin_chan
Ohai, I iz not dedz!

...Yeah, it's been ages since I posted, and I do realise this.

SO!  LIFE UPDATE!  (Including why I haven't updated in ages.)


Am now on antidepressants - Zoloft, to be precise.  Ever since last year I'd been miserable and down and ugh and I just thought it was school stress or something, but then classes ended and things that should have been awesome (new video games, best friend getting married to a wonderful woman, favourite books, etc.) no longer gave me any enjoyment or fun or excitement or anything.  I could barely make myself leave my room (because I didn't want to see my roommate), let alone the house (because I didn't want to see people).  I couldn't write, couldn't concentrate on anything, couldn't be bothered to DO anything.

It was fucking awful.

Early in the summer I finally managed to make myself go to the clinic in town and they referred me to the mental health folks at the hospital and I had a basic evaluation done, and got put on a list for the psychiatrist - it took me two and a half months to get an appointment (Sept. 28) because of the whole too many patients and not enough providers thing.  BUT!  I finally saw Dr. Raafat (I love her - she's awesome and adorable and hilarious) and we decided to put me on meds ( I had already started counselling at this point - Isabel is also awesome), so we tried the Zoloft first.  And LUCKY!  It works WONDERFULLY!  I am totally back to my pre-depressed, sometimes terrifyingly perky, cheerful, hyper, happy self.  I can't even explain how much better I feel.


Still working full-time at Wal-Mart on my nightshift - we have a new night manager that I love but nobody else seems to, haha, but still.


Also in classes - which is a whole other kettle of fish.  Last year, I failed practically everything and ended up kicked out of school - thankfully, the appeal I sent in regarding that decision was approved (or whatever) and they said I could come back on probation.  SO YAY!

But I've only got a partial courseload this year (three classes each semester) because of a few factors: the job, the depression, and because I didn't want to take out another student loan, as I already have a bunch.

So I've got Canadian Women's and Gender History (full year), Social Psychology (full year), Tolkien (half year, again, because yeah, I failed this last year - tells you just how bad things were), and Victorian Literature II (half year, next semester).  I don't have any marks yet (past first year, profs are not required to give midterm marks), but I feel a lot better this year than I did last year, and feel good about (almost) everything I've done so far (the timing on my Canadian Women's midterm was shitty and that went poorly but my prof gave me a couple extra cred assignments and it isn't worth a HUGE amount for the year).

I handed in my first Tolkien essay yesterday and I feel really good about it - although, lol, it was two pages 'too long', but Nemesvari said that wasn't a big deal and that a lot of other people had the same problem.  It was a crapton of fun to write, too, because it was option five on the list of essay topics, "a topic of your choice as approved by the instructor", so I got to write about, well, my absolute first choice.  ^^  It was super fun.  We have another paper for that class that was just assigned, and I'm hoping to do something, well, other than the given topics.  But I'll have to see if I can come up with anything.

Social Psych isn't really worth mentioning, haha.  It's sorta interesting but nothing interesting has happened, if you know what I mean.


And!  It'S NOVEMBER!  YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

NANOWRIMO!  :DDDDDDDDDDDD

My novel is a rewrite/continuation of this fic, which I wrote for blind_go last spring.

It's so much fun to write, especially since I now know who my villain is.  :D

Wordcount is a little low (around 3500 words when I 'should' be at 6668), since I've had school stuff to do, but I'm not gonna stress about it too much this year. 



Oh, by the way, my hair?  IS GREEN.  Like, VERY GREEN.  Pics forthcoming, I promise.

EDIT: OHAI BLURRY PIC.  TAKING A PICTURE OF MYSELF IS HARDER THAN I REMEMBER.

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I went on anti-depressants last year. I cannot even put into words the change they have made in my life. That person that I was three years ago...that person that loved life...that person I thought I had simply 'grown out' of? She's back. And it's the most fantastic feeling in the universe.

I am on celexa, but my sister was on zoloft and celexa for some time (now just celexa) and she found the medication very good for her. The only issue she had was that it caused a drop in her blood pressure, so she couldn't exceed a certain dose (which is why she was taking in combination with the celexa) -- but this problem is exceedingly rare.

I am so glad to hear that things are going well for you again, and that the medication is working. It can be so hard to find the right one, so when you hit it right off that bat -- that's a big part of the battle already won.


"Most fantastic feeling in the universe" is definitely how I'd phrase it.

I haven't had any problems past the first few doses when I was all kinda brainweird. I sometime get a little extra fuzzy if I'm tired, but I can DEFINITELY deal with that to be HAPPY again!

Yeah - I mean, I'm gonna continue going to counselling because I have some underlying issues, but even with that, the meds just make me able to have fun and stuff again. It's wonderful.

Yay! You are back! *happy dance*
LOOOVE!!!

HOLY SHIT! There you are! God, I missed you. I was actually about e-mail to see how you were.

Damn. So sorry. I never would have anticipated you to be depressed. I don't know. I've always hated shit that gives you a false high (drugs, alcohol, etc) and definitely not happy about you getting on the meds. I just don't like it that people need to be dependent on a external substance to be happy. But if it really helps you, I cannot say anything. I just hope you can get off them soon.

Good luck in classes this year. I just hope you're back for sure. I don't know if I can take another half a year without you! XD.

Please don't leave again!

I won't! At least, not without warning. :)

I'm sorry I worried you!

Well, the thing about depression is that one of the theories of the causes is related to the lack of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, and in my case the fact that the medication work leads me to believe that this theory is likely (though certainly not the only cause of depression disorders) - it's like taking vitamins except for your brain (this is oversimplified, but I think you get what I mean). Setraline (Zoloft) isn't a stimulant or a psychoactive drug - it isn't like taking, say, Ecstasy. It doesn't even work right away, if it works at all - it took me almost a month to feel better, and it wasn't the placebo effect because I really didn't think it was going to work, you know? Like, no way could I get lucky enough that something would help on the first try.

But it isn't a false high - I'm not absolutely happy all of the time, I still have bad moods and blah days and stuff. But now they're regular blah, instead of "hide myself in my apartment and skip classes and work and avoid everyone" days. But I'm definitely back to the sort of behvaiour that my friends recognise as my "bog standard" - up until this all started last year I was generally a really damn happy and energetic person, and now I feel like that person again. I'm "damnit, Caitlin, shut up, it's seven AM!" again. Like I said above to oritpetra, "the most fantastic feeling in the universe" is what it's like to feel like ME again.

I'm back! I'll try and update more regularly, but things are pretty busy. But I'll try!

Yeah, I'm aware of the neurotransmitter theory. Psychiatrist often like to jump the gun and put people on meds. Like I said, I can't really complain if we're getting a Caitlin that feels better again. I'm really glad you're back.

Caught up on Naruto?

Yeah. If it felt like a forced happy, then I wouldn't be so excited, but I just feel like I'm me again. :D

I was caught up on the manga a little while ago, but now I'm a few chapters (five maybe?) behind again. Oops? ^^

Can't argue with that.

And, I guess I can at least say that I'm really not liking the direction that Kishi's going in. I was so pissed off at the spoilers for last chapter.

Jeez, at the end of the Pain Vs. Jiraiya episode, I just bawled. They literally animated that chapter beautifully, emphasizing what the manga couldn't.

Shippuuden dubbed was just aired not too long ago.

I haven't read the last chapter yet, though I've been laughing my ass off at the Kage council. I am so amused by them.

Also, Gaara and Temari and Kankurou? YAY! I HAVE MISSED THE SANDSIBS SO MUCH! I haven't seen how Gaara's fight with Sasuke has been going past the first teeny section, but I'm hoping (probably futiley) that Gaara is kicking Sasuke's annoying emo-wanky butt.

I pretty much stopped watching the anime, actually, though I AM going to watch/DL the episodes of all the bits I found really intense and awesome in the manga (Pain/Jiraiya fight, Sasuke/Itachi fight, etc.).

But they're badass though.

I was incredibly excited to see them. They're fucking awesome now.

The fight was short. I'll say that much.

Sasuke/Itachi fight hasn't happened. They decided they were going to knock out the Pain/Jiraiya fight before proceeding with the plot. But I swear the episode was much more intense than the manga.

Badass AND hilarious, a winning combination. :D

OMG I know. I literally started bouncing when I clicked and BAM! Sandsibs appeared! XDD

Knowing how gay Kishi is for Sasuke, Gaara probably lost. *SIGH*

I usually find (usually being the key word here) that big fight scenes are more intense animated as compared to still - probably because part of the very nature and intensity of a fight scene is the perception of the movement of the characters, and in the animations they're ACTUALLY moving.

Tsuchikage ftw!

It's been so long. I was going to kill to see Kankuro's new puppet!

Sasuke... I hate him.

Yep!

The Tsuchikage is hilarious.

Yay Kankurou! :D

Razzing frazzing Sasuke.

Terrifyingly perky *HUGGLES* I missed that lots! I miss you lots!!! I needs vehicle so I can come visit T_T LOVE YOUUUUUUU

If you missed, how do you think I felt, haha? XDD

AND YES. VISIT! PLS.

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