caitlin_chan (caitlin_chan) wrote,

Massive catch-up post part one!

WEE NOTE: I have no idea what's going on with the spacing being massive between paragraphs. No idea how to fix it, sry gaiz.

October '10: Nothing of import happened until the last week of the month when I suddenly started having gall bladder attacks - three in four days - and ended up admitted to the hospital the last Friday, with surgery hopefully happening Saturday. It didn't. Emergency surgeries kept the ORs occupied, so my surgery got delayed until Sunday (aka Hallowe'en - and I'd been so excited to be home for trick-or-treaters!). so, surgery on Hallowe'en. Had to stay another night because it was late afternoon before I was done.

That weekend sucked - since I was supposed to have surgery Saturday, I couldn't have anything at all in anticipation of the anesthetic. Not even water. I was sooooooo hungry. Saturday evening had a few hour window when I could have clear fluids, then no more anything again.

Sunday night after surgery was also way sucky, as the staff on the floor for the night wouldn't give me the pain meds that the surgeon had charted for me. I was waaaaaay unimpressed, especially when one of the night nurses tried to justify it as them not having enough time - and then claiming this med would get administered in th ER because they have "more time" in the ER. Ahhahahaha, right - how often do you miss multiple meal breaks in one shift? Oh, never? Yeah, about the ER staff and how often they miss meal breaks... it's a lot. Screw you.

So yeah, that night way sucked.

November '10: First day of November was my first day post-op. Dad picked me up and took me home. I had delicious chocolate milk, then napped the afternoon away. Then had even more delicious Dad Goulash for supper. So after essentially not eating for like four days, it was sooooooo good.

Home, yes, but not allowed to go to class for two weeks and a day or two. Also not allowed to do housework-things, so the hosue got absolutely disgusting because The Roommate was filthy and never cleaned unless I pestered and pestered. So I missed the whole last week of October classes, then missed until November 16th or 17th at home in the disgusting house I wasn't supposed to clean and shouldn't have had to since it wasn't my damn mess. Then back in class for the rest of that week.

AND THEN. Sick. Picked up some bug going around, and missed class for the REST of November. I was eating apple sauce and crackers when I managed to eat at all. I could hardly go into the kitchen, the nastiness nearly made me puke. I lost a fair bit of weight in a very unhealthy way. The dress for X-Ring that fit me perfectly when I tried it on the day we bought it needed taking in on X-Ring day (Dec 3rd).

December '10: Yay X-Ring! And then exams rolled around and holy shit I was freaking the fuck out and still couldn't hardly eat. I'd missed six weeks pretty much straight of classes.I ended up dropping ALL of my first semester classes after a lot of panicking and anxiety and crying and stuff. I wasn't in very good shape mentally - my antidepressants had stopped working as far as I could tell, so I just stopped taking them.

Went home mid-December to get away from the endless Roommate messes and cat box that only got cleaned every three weeks or so and I just had to take a break from it. I was tired of cleaning the Roommates messes for her and tired of LIVING in the mess if I didn't clean it. And the pervasive cat box stench. And I needed to try and get better from being sick so long and ugh.

Home wasn't bad; around Christmas went with Dad and Bro to the studio where Dad works to do some nice bro and sis pictures all dressed up. My dress - still taken in - from X-Ring was too big AGAIN. Dad had to put a huge clip on the back so it didn't swamp me; more bad weight loss, erk.

Around this time I started getting really anxious about the trial. The December court date had nothing happen except the asshole's lawyer asked the judge for more time AGAIN. The next court date happened right before I went back to the Nish for classes restarting - and nothing. More waiting.

January '11: I'd seen my 'new' GP in December and he'd put me on citalopram to replace the sertraline. When I saw him again in Jan they hadn't seemed to help as much as we'd hoped, so we upped the dose (with the desired result), and then ANOTHER court date, where a plea was STILL not made, and the judge was like 'I've had e-fucking-nough, make a plea next go round kthx'.

February '11: Moving into Feb, my antidepressants started working, yay. But I hadn't been going to class - I couldn't make myself leave the house and go most days. Because of the mess first semester I hadn't found another job yet after quitting Walmart in the previous August, which was a good thing at this point because I wouldn't have been able to make myself go to work either, I don't think.

Mid-ish Feb was the 'last' arraignment hearing thingy. Asshole entered a plea of not guilty and that meant a criminal trial. Trial date was set for May 19th.

After talking to my counsellor and my parents and my GP (who is so awesome omgyay), I decided to withdraw completely from school for the year. BEFORE it was confirmed there'd be a criminal trial I could barely go to class, and it was only going to get worse as May got closer. Not only that, but my anxiety and panic attacks would also get worse. So my GP wrote me a note so the university would allow me to withdraw for medical reasons, and I withdrew.

I spent some miserable time hanging around the house in Antigonish. The house was always disgusting no matter how much I cleaned it, all of my Antigonish friends except one basically wanted nothing to do with me, and the one who did was way busy with her classes.

As May got closer I spent more time home at my parents', and in one doctor's appointment he gave me prescriptions for Ativan and for a sleeping pill because I was NOT sleeping and having a lot of problems with the panic. Sleeping pill was a temporary holdover until the trial to be re-evaluated after the trial was over.

May '11: I moved out of the house that was always disgusting and away from the Roommate that never cleaned (though she owes me fifty bucks for what the landlord kept from my damage deposit because when he saw the house a month after I moved out, she'd turned the entire thing into a massively disgusting mess and he said I couldn't have done any cleaning when I left or else it wouldn't have been so gross). I moved into a room in a friend's house with her and her husband and their five kids for the four months until classes start and I move back into residence.

Despite being out of the House of Disgusting and somewhere I really liked living, I spent most of the pre-trial part of May at home with my parents. The last few days before the trial I was a wreck, and taking the max dose of my sleeping meds every night and still not sleeping that great.

Trial day arrived and Dad came and got me - not woke, since I wasn't asleep, but he thought he was waking me - and told me that the constable I'd may my police report with back in May of '10 was there to see me - and looked happy.

I'd gone to bed thinking I was going to have to see Him and sit there in a big fancy room and tell strangers all the gory details of what happened and then have another stranger asking me questions about it and ugh and just general testifying stuff.

Constable C. told me Asshole had changed his plea to guilty. I didn't have to testify any more. I didn't even have to go.

I can't even articulate how happy I was. And relieved, and shocked, and so many other things. I just sort of vibrated the rest of the day, I was so relieved.

I also had a party. XDDDD Srsly. I don't even know if constable C. was out of the driveway before I'd texted like everybody. Mum and Dad said hells yes have a party, so I invited pretty much everybody who was in town that would have been interested and not working, and had... seven people here. So not a huge party, but a good party. Not even a party as most people would think of it - no booze, lol, or music or really much of anything except sitting around and chatting. but it was awesome.

Mum and Dad DID go to court, just to see it happen, sorta. Mum gave SM a hug, but didn't even look at Andre.

So there's crapton of stuff that's happened since my last post of significance (December '10). And, actually, before, too. That is, stuff happened that never got posted about. So I'm going to start with last October! XD

And I have more to say, more to tell, but it's getting late, and this criminal thing finally ends tomorrow (technically today since it's after midnight here).

In around ten hours, Asshole gets sentenced. I'm reading something I wrote called a Victim Impact Statement. For the unaware, it's something written by the victim of a crime, ideally to be considered by the sentencing judge in the event of a conviction. I don't have to read it, but the particular judge gives more weight to a statement when the victim presents it at the sentencing hearing.

I'm a little bit anxious, for sure, because it IS intensely personal and there ARE going to be people there that will hear it, too. And it's just intimidating overall.

But I need to do this, and I want to do this.

I'll hopefully remember to make another post tomorrow to let y'all know how it goes. REMIND ME! XD

Tags: angst, court, depression, evil!andré, feminism, friends, health, legal stuff, not dead!, parents, personal, sexual assault, trauma, university, why i love my parents, work, zonked

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